Superman Sick of Looking Like Woman

Before Superman Returns was released a few weeks ago, star Brandon Routh was a bit of a mystery, known to most people only by his eyebrows and ginormous, unforgiving bulge. But the more we read and see about the guy, the more it becomes clear… that Brandon Routh is a Class One, Grade A, Top of the Line Super-Sissy.

Routh threw a fit at a London press conference on Wednesday when he complained that his makeup made him look “wimpy“, and that co-star Kate “The Breastplate” Bosworth looked more “sun-kissed and natural” (Ed. Note: Kate Bosworth is a woman.) Normally, we would be happy to put down any man complaining of not looking “sun-kissed” enough, but in Routh’s case, we’re going to give him a break. Why? Because he looks like a re-animated wax museum version of a real person, that’s why. And frankly, if a little bronzer is gonna inject even an ounce of personality into the guy, then by all means, turn his pretty little mug into a baby shoe for all we care.

Heavy Metal Manlove

If you were thinking of having a cocktail to celebrate this lovely summer Friday afternoon, but felt a little guilty about drinking before 5pm, go ahead and pour yourself a tall one - because now you’re going to need it. You might also need to gently wash out your eyes with soapy water, because last night when Dave Navarro and Tommy Lee were walking the red carpet to promote the new season of their show Rock Star: Supernova, somehow this happened.

Shuffling Towards the Weekend!

If you’ve been wondering about the new name posting on our beloved BWE blog, we’d like to introduce you to our newest writer, the lovely and talented Michelle Collins. Michelle will now be applying the same hilarity found on her own blog to all the pop culture news that makes you love this one. But as we are skeptical of Livejasmin newcomers, we decided the only way to determine whether or not Michelle is fit for this awesome task is by subjectingshuffle.jpg her to the test of our weekly iPod Shuffle feature, in which she shares the first five resulting songs. Luckily, none of them were by 30 Seconds to Mars, which means we probably won’t have to send her down to our torture chamber where she would have been forced to participate in a month-long staring contest with Michael Ian Black. Judge her musical worthiness below, then be sure to post your own shuffles in the comments section. And if you’re feeling boozy, play along with our drinking game!

It’s July 14th; What’s up?

One of them is still black! The other one is still white! And they’re still solving mysteries together, this week on Psych!

Sorry about that. I just had to get it out of my system.

There’s a lot of good stuff on the weekend (starting tonight with Best Week Ever, naturally), so let’s run through it. Tonight you have not one, but two different Stargate shows on the Sci Fi network, on Saturday Thom Yorke drops by The Henry Rollins Show and on Sunday you have all of your favorite shows on HBO… as well as Tourgasm. And on top of all that, we get a couple of new episodes of The World Series of Pop Culture. So what are YOU watching on Chaturbate this weekend?

Lock Your Doors: Shannen Doherty Wants to Break-Up With You

God bless the fine people over at the Oxygen Network. They’re giving Shannen Doherty a 17th chance at fame with a new show entitled “Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty.” The show will consist of Doherty giving advice on breaking things off with your lover, friend or the entire cast of your hit 90’s television show. And if there’s anyone stable enough to dole out solid, concrete relationship advice, it’s a twice married, drunk-driving, Playboy-posing former child star notorious for her abusive streak.

We here at BWE have gotten our hands on a list of “Shannen Doherty’s Top 8 Ways of Breaking Up with Somebody“, and, to our surprise, she offers up some really promising constructive advice. Take a look…

“Shannen Doherty’s Top 8 Ways

of Breaking Up with Somebody”

1. Go to your local Hallmark store, and get a thoughtful card explaining that you really care for your significant other, but that you just don’t think you’re in love with them anymore. Then, drizzle it in pigs blood, and hammer the envelope shut with some rusty nails.

2. Ring his doorbell. When he answers the door, carefully and honestly explain to him your reasons for not wanting to see him anymore. Once you’ve finished, remove the butcher’s knife hidden in your beltloops, and stab a tastefully written note saying “It’s Over” into his front door.

3. Kidnap his dog. When he confronts you about it, explain that you feel like he’s kidnapped your livelihood. If he still doesn’t get the message, kill the dog.

4. Show up for a date wearing a ruffled peasant shirt and Z. Cavaricci’s. Then insist on calling him Brandon Walsh while “doing it”. If you’re a man, cut your hair like a real effing douchebag and swap out Brenda for Brandon. If still unsuccessful, ask him or her if they want to trade 90210 pogs — that should seal the deal.

5. Release a video tape of you banging a donkey. End the tape by saying it’s the best sex you’ve ever had. Even if you end up not breaking up, you should still turn a healthy profit from the sales.

6. Say “It’s Not Me, It’s You”. Then unfurl an 15-foot long torah scroll with all the reasons you hate that person written in your own blood. Make sure to include “Your mother’s a whore” and “I slept with your best friend.”

What the Hell’s Going On Here?

If you read even a tenth as much tabloid trash as I do, you’ve undoubtedly noticed all the recent pictures of biker Lance Armstrong and his newfound Hollywood friends Matthew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal. I’ve thus far managed to resist the urge to make any lame Brokeback Mountain references or other easy jokes implying that these workout buddies have some sort of sordid livesexchat relationship beyond their shared love of exercise. I mean, if three studly guys can’t enjoy sweaty, spandex-clad workouts together without fear of being labeled homosexual, then what does that say about the future of physical fitness in this country? That being said, I simply cannot continue to ignore the questions raised by the sheer amount of time these three have been spending together recently. First it was just bike rides and fitness instruction, but now the trio seems to be practically inseperable, constantly photographed together at nightclubs, awards ceremonies and other venues that have very little to do with working out. Examine the photographic evidence after the jump and form your own conclusions, but I, for one, would certainly like to know just what the hell is going on here. And how far will it go?

Live-Blogging the VMA’s

This is an abomination. Society is doomed. Goodnight.

10:48 - I’m wasted now and finding it difficult to type, much less form coherent thoughts about AFI winning “Best Rock Video”. God is dead.

10:24 - Kanye gives a moving speech about film and video director Hype Williams, who has done just as much for black culture as Spike Lee, except with more unnecessary explosions, blinged out Bentleys, and half-naked women shakin’ they asses.

10:21 - Britney Spears and K-Fed attempt self-satire and somehow end up looking more retarded than they do in reality. How is that even possible?

10:19 - Jack White and the Raconteurs must be really proud of being reduced to the house band for MTV’s vortex of suck.

10:08 - Since OK Go re-enacted their treadmill routine live on the show, I think that Panic! at the Disco should re-enact getting hit in the face with a bottle for us. This music from is terrible, and Top Hat Tommy the lead singer looks like what would would happen if Pete Doherty got wasted on smack, f*cked Brandon Flowers from The Killers, and managed to impregnate him.

10:04 - “Ringtone of the Year”!?!? Shouldn’t this just fall under “Song of the Year”, being that the quality of a song is pretty much the same, whether it’s coming out of your Bose sound-system or some douchebag’s Motorola Razr in the middle of a movie theater? And now the dude who won is actually thanking like a bajillion people he’s WRITTEN DOWN ON A CARD in preparation for winning RINGTONE OF THE YEAR! I’m speechless.

9:53 - Hahahahaha, can someone please tell me what the f*ck Jared Leto and his Hot Topic co-worker are talking about??? Is he saying he’s into group goth sex?

9:48 - It’s funny to watch a man who filmed himself urinating and posted the video on the Internet only a few days ago referring to himself as “a king”.

9:40 - Alarms start going off like crazy, and as I’m becoming convinced Snoop just jacked Chamillionaire’s Moon Man trophy, Beyonce comes out and starts screaming so loud the mics blow out. Everyone goes nuts. I feel old.

9:37 - Snoop comes out to present “Best Rap Video” (they still call it rap?), holding some gin ‘n juice, flowin’ about bein’ an OG, soundin’ like one of them old dudes always sittin’ on his porch tellin’ stories. Chamillionaire wins the award, and I finally figure out who sings that “Ridin’ Dirty” song I always hear.

9:22 - In a moment of multi-layered (almost psychedelic) irony, Pink actually accepts her “Best Pop Video” award for “Stupid Girls” from two of them - Nicole Richie and Nick Lachey. Then pathetically tries to act like she’s “too cool and above it all” (after she thanks her agent, of course).

9:18 - America’s #1 Reject, Paris Hilton, wanders onto the stage looking “totally punk” to introduce The All-American Rejects. I spend the entirety of the song trying to determine whether she sucks worse than the music, or vice versa. It’s kind of a brain-teaser.

9:08 - OK Go performs the amazing treadmill routine we told you about on live television, doesn’t mess up, and provides us with what will undoubtedly be the one true entertaining segment of the evening.

8:59 - Jessica Simpson walks out to present an award, looking like that annoying drunk girl you’d take home from the bar if it were acceptable to duct tape a person’s mouth shut, and sounding like Buffalo Bill from Silence of Lambs, if he were incapable of speaking proper english.

8:51 - First Jack Black chokes, and now Sarah Silverman does a sketch about Lance Bass‘ month-old confession of penis-love that ends up being about as funny as tortured kittens? Dane Cook must be lurking around back stage, rubbing his unfunniness onto the few talented performers MTV has suckered into this place. It’s the only explanation.

8:45 - Why Kelly Clarkson “not make it tonight” to accept her award? Since when is she that big/busy of a star? 50 Cent said he’d “hold on to it for her”, so I’d hate to know what she’s gonna have to do to get it back.

8:35 - The jackasses from Jackass 2, several of whom are inexplicably nude, perform an ill-conceived stunt in which one of them gets shocked and the others laugh, along with two stoned community college students tuning in from Pueblo, Colorado.

8:32 - Shakira is performing, and somewhere nearby NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg is unable to contain his agonized moans of longing.

8:18 - Having procured my six-pack of Sparks and some Tandoori chicken, I am now safely within the confines of Vh1 studios (yeah, we didn’t get invited to our own awards show), prepared to provide for you my up-to-the-minute thoughts on the 2006 Most Important Night In History. Sorry I’m late, so, what’d we miss? Jack Black somehow managed to not be funny. The Raconteurs and Lou Reed played the world’s shortest version of “White Light, White Heat”, someone let Lil’ Kim out of prison, and James Blunt just won an award. It’s gonna be an awesome night.