Another Day, Another Beaten Maid

There is a special breed of celebrities who, whether they consciously realize it or not, have some sort of pathological need to repeat the same bad behavior over and over again, no matter how much negative attention it brings them. Pete Doherty, Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr., Paris Hilton - all repeat offenders of assorted naughtiness. And just as you roll your eyes reading about Pete’s weekly crack arrest, such is the response to Naomi Campbell and her repeated assaults on her employees. That’s right, yet ANOTHER of the supermodel’s ex-employees has come forward and accused Campbell of physical and verbal abuse. I am utterly convinced that even picking up Naomi’s drycleaning is a job far more dangerous and deadly than anything the special forces see on the front lines of Fallujah. Be warned.

While You Were Watching Zach Braff Mope

Four undercover Martha Stewart operatives were exposed on - and immediately banished from - the set of Rachel Ray’s rival new cooking show. Now that these two homemakers have already hit the matresses for a full on gang war, how long before someone gets iced like a delicious ginger-apple tea?

After a public screaming/fortune-cookie-hurling match at her mother’s birthday dinner that climaxed with telling mommy to “go to hell”, Lindsay Lohan drank away her maternal misery at an NYC Fashion Week party, outside of which she fell down and broke her wrist. When released from the hospital, LiLo then mowed down a few Times Square tourists, started a forest fire in Central Park and flew her private jet into the Statue of Liberty. She’s sort of like the Paul Bunyan of partying.

Victoria Beckham bent it far enough for her nip to slip out. Very posh.

What better way to honor the memory of one’s tragically departed son than by squeezing a final couple hundred thousand bucks out of his lifeless corpse? This, and other helpful tips can be found in the “Anna Nicole Smith Guide to Living”.

Mel Gibson’s daughter married guitarist Kenny Wayne Shepherd on Saturday.